I don’t know how many of you know this, but in 1987, Sylvester Stallone made this movie. You’re probably asking yourself, “What is Over the Top?” Well, according to Wikipedia it is, I shit you not, “about a long haul truck driver who tries to win back his alienated son while becoming a champion arm wrestler.” To top it all off, Sly’s character is named “Lincoln Hawk.”
So we got to thinking, with the recent resurgence of Stallone films (Rocky, Rambo and the remake of Death Race) how could they possibly make a movie more awesome than Over the Top?
Actually, it was pretty easy. First, we replaced “arm wrestling competition” with “rock, paper, scissors league.” Second, we took “rock, paper, scissors league” and added “to the death.” If a participant loses in this league, they actually die according to what their opponent “threw.” Haha. Ha. Ha. Third, we replaced “son” with “800-pound silverback gorilla.” I don’t think I need to explain that one.
We decided to keep the cast pretty much the same and to leave Stallone’s character as a big rig trucker, cause that’s still pretty epic. You don’t have to thank us Sly, Hollywood needs to keep you around. Click the picture above for a movie poster.
